“You don’t have to encourage it, or welcome it, but you better learn to suck it up from time to time. We have mythologized love to such an extent that people are no longer prepared for the realities of long-term relationships. We are taught that it is good not to compromise, not to put up with anything we don’t like, not to sacrifice our own beliefs for anyone or anything. Yet compromise and sacrifice are the cornerstones of marital love.
No matter what way you dress it up, the best thing you can bring to a marriage is not the feeling of ‘being in love’, but romance’s poor relation: tolerance. Add to that enough maturity to be able to fulfil your own needs and you have some hope. Optimism and chemistry, which seem to be the bedrock of the modern marriage, just don’t cut it, folks. And while I am pontificating, one more tip for the ladies: Try to find a man who has that most underrated of qualities: character. I did and so far my Oscar hasn’t bothered him. Although I am still waiting for my cooked breakfast…”—Sheryl Paul: What Is Love?
Hello, Sir Nate. I wish you luck on your noble quest to find the damsel who is perfect for you. Whoever she is, she is one very lucky lady :) So, am I correct in thinking that you live, or have lived, in Utah? If so, where did you learn how to swing dance? Could you recommend any good locations for beginners? Especially ones that would be compatible with the budget of a poor college student? :) Thanks.
Swing dancing in Utah:
Beginner and Intermediate Lessons on Thursdays from 7:00 - 8:30 in the Wilk Ballroom (free)
Beginner Lessons and Dance every Saturday. Dances are super cheap, and free if you pay the club fee. (The location moves, I recommend tuning into the FB page here.)
I just wanted to say that I appreciate your thoughts and the quotes that you post- they always make me want to change for the better. And the bits about swing dancing and Star Wars are simply fantastic :) I do have a question for you: Do most guys feel the way you do about girls/relationships? Most of the guys I know seem to feel obligated to date, they complain about having to date, or they are embarrassed about asking someone out the old fashioned way. Is this just a confusing cover-up?
Thanks for the nice words.
As far as other guys go, I can’t really speak on their behalf. I know most of the guys I hang out with have good intentions when it comes to dating, but I think as humans, we naturally gravitate to what’s easy. When it comes to relationships, approaching someone (especially someone you’re attracted to) is not easy.
I could ramble on and on for days about the shift in gender roles, and adjusting your (our) expectations, and the influence cultural pressures, and a million other things. But the best thing you can do is be confident in who you are, love yourself, and surround yourself with people who encourage you to be at your best. Everything else will come naturally… or at least that’s what they say. ;)